Steff Todd: My new boyfriend told me he’s got my face as his wallpaper, which I thought was cute until I saw his lounge.
Steff Todd: Reality Check is at Just the Tonic at the Caves

Olaf Falafel: Actors who can cure my lisp? I’m pretty sure Anne Hathaway, but I’m going to ask Colin Firth.
Olaf Falafel Presents Knitting With Maracas is at Laughing Horse at the Pear Tree

Catherine Bohart: I suppose lesbian sex is a bit like cricket, in that it goes on for ever and there are a lot of men watching it at home, alone, on the internet.
Catherine Bohart: Lemon is at Pleasance Courtyard

Darren Harriott: My mum said she’s turning my room into a study. I doubt it, unless she’s doing a PhD on Coronation Street and Echo Falls rosé.
Darren Harriott: Good Heart Yute is at Pleasance Courtyard

Alex Kealy: When applying for a job as an estate agent, the interviewer worried that my CV was a bit small. I said actually it’s really cosy and I was immediately hired.
Alex Kealy: Rationale is at Just the Tonic at the Caves

Joz Norris: Do you reckon the band Chic ever found any takers for that free cow they were always trying to get rid of?
Joz Norris is Dead. Long Live Mr Fruit Salad is at Heroes at the Hive

Ken Cheng: The other kids all called me “token” growing up. At least that’s what they put at the top of my Christmas cards. Sure, there was a space between the “to” and the “ken” but the point remains the same.
Ken Cheng: To All the Racists I’ve Blocked Before is at Bedlam theatre

Lucy Beaumont: My auntie Barbara won’t buy free-range chickens because she says you don’t know where they’ve been.
Lucy Beaumont: Space Mam is at the Pleasance Courtyard

Darren Walsh: Cat flaps are for pussies.
Darren Walsh: Punimal Farm is at Laughing Horse at the Free Sisters

Flo and Joan: I know that Banksy’s my dad, because I never see him.
Flo & Joan: Before the Screaming Starts is at Assembly George Square Gardens